Tuesday, June 20, 2017
It is with such great sadness and an injured heart that I write this with. There are so many feelings I'm still going through at the same time, and I really don't know where to begin...
What can I say that wasn't already obvious? She was beautiful, inside and out. She was creative, fun, selfless, caring, funny, had sass and class. She was rebel, haha. She was an amazing artist, an initiator, a dreamer. She was my sibling, my best friend, my shoulder to lean on, my role model. She was spring and summer combined. She was a subject poets would love to jot about.
It's so hard and frustrating for me to write this, because I always plunge into crying when I think of her. I wish I had been a better sister. I wish I had talked to her more often. I wish she hadn't left us. She was too young. She was robbed from us in very unfair manner! It's hard to say who even suffered the most. This was a very sudden blow to the face. I almost didn't believe what happened when I got the phone call. I felt too shocked to even feel at first.
Seeing her body one last time prior to cremation was kind of scary and alarming, but most of all, saddening. I couldn't hold back, because that was solid proof before my eyes, my heart! There she was: it's as if she was Sleeping Beauty herself. Not in death, but in eternal slumber. She looked so fresh and alive, I couldn't stop myself from picking up her hands and cradling them in mine--only to find that they were cold! I cried. I watched her face the whole time. I knew, but I refused to believe it. I was hoping for some miracle to happen. Then, I could've sworn that her eyes fluttered for a moment-- as if trying to open them. Perhaps rogue nerves? A trick of the mind? I felt suffocated. I felt angry, then heartbroken again.
My mother was destroyed. Bill was too. I never knew such sadness. I wanted to console, but didn't know what to really say. I was in the same state. This was my first close family death. There are no perfect words for such an occasion. No words can replace the grief and the cold that was left behind. Time will heal wounds, but the scars will stay.
I don't know if there is such thing as a heaven or paradise, but I like to think so. I like to think that Char doesn't have to suffer anymore or take shit from anyone. I think she is free at last, and hopefully a lot happier. I wish the best for her in the afterlife, and that she may find the light. I ask that you help by lighting a white candle and let it burn off in her memory. May she find eternal bliss and watch us from above. She was my star, and always will be. ⭐️
Forever gaze at the night sky,
Gish Pinto-Cresci
